The following "Rules of Dating" are either from direct personal experience or direct observation. My wife would provide you with meanings and discuss the metaphorical aspects behind each of the rules. Personally, I 'd say you should look at them and derive your own truths from them.

1. Never date girls named Jennifer.
2. Never date any girl who thinks she is or has ever thought she was a vampire.
3. One day you'll be too old to enjoy women. You'll never be too old to enjoy Magic.
4. Never date vegetarians, especially in the Pacific Northwest.